phillip coupal – sweet juicy heart

DARE to be YOU! -♥- Juicy Heart

The article might be a little heavy… It might be a little harsh… it might even be a bit juicy… and it is what it is…

So today I had the first day off in several days. I went to a GAY bookstore… One of the oldest in North America. I got lots of books. I had to wait a little bit before I went to the bookstore and I had a coffee in the village while I waited. After coffee I went to for a little walk one my way to the store.  All the while I felt a little strange. I felt a little isolated and I felt a whole lot different. I just was not feeling myself! I was wondering where the Radical PINK Fairy had wandered off to?

In this little journey I got a BIG piece of insight.

That is:

Simply be different! Celebrate the different! LOVE the different!  The different is really who I am!

Seems simple enough, and yes it actually is simple. It is the insides of this and the back-story and the history of all of that difference that make acceptance challenging.

As a child I was always different. I loved to read. I disliked physical contact. I was a very artistic boy. I loved to cook, I even tried my hand at sewing. All in all I was mostly content although isolated and feeling pretty different.

As a teen I was way different. I loved flashy cloths. I was turned on by boys and men. I loved to read. I liked to be very musical in my classical sort of way. I loved to travel. I longed for a boyfriend.

As a young man that difference continued to grow.  I got more artistic and went to a little art school. I developed a design sense. I met my husband and through trial and error developed a loving and connected relationship. I worked theater design. I learned to cook. I learned to be in a loving and committed relationship with another man.

This story of difference can totally continue to the present and the 50++ man that I am today.

The pondering and the ah ha moment today was that all that difference is really me.

I don’t need to punish myself any more for being exactly who I am. I no longer have to carefully ascertain if the difference is going to kill me or if I will get beat up or isolated or pushed off the island. I have already endured all of the isolation and push away that I can ever image. Nothing could be worse that trying to fit in and not, I gave up trying some time in grade 8 or 9 so when I was 13 or 14 years old.

So what if if I am a little or a lot different. I will be me not matter what. I have to be me or else I will simply not feel right or good or feel like I want to carry on.

So today I am me, all that I really am, it is really kind of natural!

• A middle aged sex educator who enjoys teaching and inspiring, and lives in this like there is nothing else,
• A male middle aged white queer, who loves and welcomes all sorts of diversity and all sorts of difference, the only thing that I can not accept or tolerate is HATE,
• A gay man who is a marriage counsellor to gay men, this should come as no surprise knowing how much I adore my relationship and how much my relationship gives to me, even after 38+ years, I hope that everyone can be fed and nourished by their relationship,
• A spunky artist that likes to squeeze a little spunk into those oh so fluid paintings,
• A hot chef who likes to cook and eat and be a raconteur of food and life, I love my body and adore feeding it and nourishing it with the richness of the earth,
• A lover of travel and a man who is fed by diversity in culture, art, society,
• An overachiever who puts a lot in and is not too afraid of failure because I don’t really believe that success and failure are on the same scale as what we put into life and what we take out,
• A lover of men and a man who can give and receive love because, this interchange of love and energy fuels my life
• A lover of my husband who fuels my life and feeds my need for energy,
• A fifty++ man who likes pink leather and black lace, loves to mix all that stereotypical shit up and blow it up and see what happens,
• And there is more in me that I am certain is different and makes me different in the eyes of the world… however…

All that difference, all of that, that is unlike others,actually makes me who I am. So no, it never got better, my experience of life and the world making me different never really changed. BUT! I got better. I became more myself and integrated more of those differences that make me who I am and I finally feel like I am really, truly ME! -♥-

All me and juicy, pink and vibrant to boot!

Love

Phillip